What a striking situation!
There’s no man, as I can see,
In the Russian Federation
Who would like to lie with me.

I’m beautiful and canny
But all suitors just withdrew.
It’s a hard time for my fanny.
Any imbecile would do.

Nothing special is requested.
Missionary’s OK.
It is needless to be tested.
I’m ready right away.

I can do it very quickly.
I can do it all night long.
It can do it daily, weekly…
But for all that I’m alone!

It has gone beyond the limit.
Looks like someone’s cast a spell.
When men see me, they get timid.
Even vodka doesn’t help!

They all whisper: ‘She’s a hottie.
I/m too poor for such a vamp…’
Boring sissy spineless numpties.
I would do it with a tramp!

Dear citizens of Britain.
After all that I’ve confessed,
If I’m back, I might be beaten.
Let me be your grateful guest.

I enjoy your thrilling weather.
I adore your fancy taps.
I love Marmite altogether.
I’m fond of minding gaps!

And I’ve been making a great effort,
But the prospects seem quiet bleak.
Well, a hairy Scottish shepherd
Wouldn’t really look so dreek.